Say a Prayer...

... My Aunt Angie is in the ICU, in critical condition from pneumonia. It is very bad, but we're hoping that since she is so young, she will be able to pull through.

It's been awhile..

... but I promise that I have legitimate reasons.

To start: school is done for the summer and I only have one more year left! I cannot wait to be done with school!

So finals.. part of the reason I have been MIA

The real reason that I have been gone was because my great-gramma passed away, she was 86. Some people may not be too close to their great grandparents because they may have never met them. My Gramma was a huge part of my life and I miss her deeply. I got a call that she was in the hospital on Thursday, and they did not expect her to make it through the weekend. Needless to say, I packed my bag and started my 5 hour drive to NY. I got to Elmira around 9:30 pm, and luckily she was still mentally with us. She asked me how I got there so fast and if Chris was with me. Around 10pm, she fell asleep until 4am. I will spare the worst parts.. but I did not leave the hospital until she passed Monday morning. I took care of her thrrough the worst parts. I was/am still pissed about the whole experience. She was supposed to be receiving comfort care, but for a full day, she was not. She had CHF and her kidneys were completely shot. All Friday my mom and I held her and listened to her cry because she couldn't breathe and she was scared. My mom (an RN) kept suggesting something to make her more comfortable, it came 7 hours after she asked for it. Friday was absolutely devastating on my mom and I. The rest of the family went home to get some sleep and showers, but while they were gone we took care of her... I'm bawling right now even thinking about it.. At one point she just looked at me and said "Just hold me". I lost it. I curled up in bed with Gram, held her, and lost it. She kept throwing her arms out to "push St. Peter away" Finally, she was able to have peace Friday night. The rest of my weekend was spent holding her hand, washing her face, giving her water, and crying by her bedside with most of my family. I am sorry if this is too personal, but this, surprisingly, is helping me. She was a wonderful woman who cared about her family more than anything. She had 6 kids, 22 grandkids, and 18 great grandkids. I was part of the "4 generation", Gramma Wightman, Gramma Gee Gee, Mom, and I are all the oldest of our .. groups? We were unbelievably close and as much as I hate that she is gone, I am happy she is finally at peace.

RIP Mabel Mae Carl Belawske Wightman 03/25/1925- 05/09/2011

Losing them wouldn't be so hard to take, if Heaven wasn't so far away.

May he burn in hell.

May Osama Bin Laden burn in hell.

After almost 10 years, America has killed the bastard.

You can either complain that it "Isn't over," or you could be grateful that the people who risk their lives every day just killed the worlds biggest asshole.

You know those times...

when you royally screwed up? I'm living it.

Well, I didn't screw up in the sense that anyone got hurt.

No. But I lost something of Chris'.

And I know I did.

I lost on of his basketballs.

Big woop. Right?

Well, to him, it is. $160 ball. omg.

I know I took it out of the explorer when I had to help Alofa get a new bed. We took it out to make more room.

I just cannot for the life of me remember where it is! Garage? No. Living room? No. Dining Room? Kitchen? Sun Room? Bedroom? No. No. No. No.

I have no idea where it is. My mind keeps going somewhere bad, like maybe I left it outside?? And someone stole it?? And there is no chance of getting it back??? WAHHHH!!!

He is pretty pissed right now and I am on restriction not to touch his things.

What can I do? Say??

Awesome Wife of the year award goes to this chick.

Anndddddd, found out about an AHHH mazing new job opportunity working with the bestie!

... but it's almost 4 hours away.

.. the pay would definitely be worth it and everything about it makes total sense. Chris even agrees with me that it does.

... but I cannot imagine being 4 hours away from hubby during the week. The only thing holding me back from it is my own selfish reasoning.

Summer cannot come soon enough!

Told you.

{add cleaning out the cars on Saturday}

I am rockin' out these lists! It really is the only way I can keep my self on schedule.

Can you tell I have no life?? Especially when C is gone :(

Randomness to the extreme

I have so much going through my mind right now and can't really stick to 1 topic. So, are you ready? Here we go.

First: Saw this status on FB: A real woman always has a clean house, empty laundry basket, smells good, is well made-up, slim, healthy, eloquent and perfectly well-behaved. ... Copy this status if you are beginning to suspect that you are a man!!!

Needless to say, it is now my status.

Second: Going to an all girl's school was a bad decision on my part. Too much drama.

Third: Chris is leaving tomorrow. He will be in Virginia until Sunday.. bittersweet. Definitely going to be missing hubby, but quiet time to get work (house and school) done.

Fourth: I woke up to 65 degree weather!! By 3pm it was 35? What is going on with this weather??

Fifth: Chris and I will be going to NY for Easter!! Beyond excited!!

Sixth: Hopefully we will get to Cali this summer!!! I need to see Masucci/Bartholomew's and Guerra's!!

Seventh: I applied for a summer SpEd Teaching job!! Hoping to hear back soon.

Eighth: Never Grow Up just came on, I am currently bawling my eyes out.

Ninth: New favorite store= HomeGoods. Got a gorgeous mirror for $3!

Tenth: I'm healthy as a horse! Met with a new NP last week and love her! So glad because hadn't found one that I liked since high school.

Eleventh: Baby Fever like madddd.

Twelfth: Very excited to see a friend tomorrow that recently left school :(. But seeing her, means Red Robin, yummm!

Thirteenth: Bought the paper on Sunday for coupons.. how do I succeed in couponing? Buy multiple papers and stack coupons?

Fourteenth: I hate the end of a semester. Soo many tests, papers, projects due within the next 3 weeks.

Fifteenth: Only 3 weeks until (my) summer!!

Told you, random. It was a bad day.

Spring Cleaning Update

Outside

• Rake out the gardens.
• Pick up sticks from front and back yards.
• Plant grass in the baldy spots of the bard yard.
• Wash down the driveway and the road in front of the house (old leaves, dirt, salt, etc.)
• Clean both cars (inside and out).
• Clean off the patio and bring out lounge chairs.

Kitchen

• Pull everything out of the cupboards and clean them out.
• Clean microwave.
• Clean stove and oven.
• Put away tea kettle and crockpot.
• Wash down walls and cupboards.
• Hand mop the floor.
• Clean out the fridge and freezer.
• Un-do all the twist ties that C put up, and take Christmas lights down.

Living/Dining Rooms

• Wash down walls.
• Organize bookshelf.
• Dust off TV and Entertainment center.
• Put away all winter/Christmas items (oops).
• Wash couch cover.
• Steam clean chair, curtains, dog beds, dining room chairs.
• Get rid of old black chair that only the dogs use.
• Convince Alofa to take FIL's dresser and suitcases to his room, and out of our area.
• Move armoire.
• Wash and put cuddle blankets in armoire.
• Sweep/mop floor, including under couch.
• Organize desk.
• Clear off dining room table.
• Take Total Gym into the basement.
• Rearrange dining room table.

Bathroom

• Mop the floor.
• Wash mirror.
• Wash curtains.

Bedroom/Basement

• Put away winter clothes, pull out spring/summer.
• Wash rugs.
• Find a dresser for C's excessive amount of clothes.
• Clean laundry room, including FIL's clothes that have been on the floor since December.
• Run an empty load through the washer.
• Re-organize boxes that are still packed.

Miscellaneous

• Wash all windows.
• Update pictures/decor.

I got a lot accomplished this weekend which feels amazing! C leaves on Wednesday to to go the Portsmouth Invitational in Virginia to try and recruit some players... hopefully I can get get even more things crossed off the list!

How to do you split your "chore list"??

.... because we are having difficulty in that area.

Laundry-- J

Cooking-- J

Dishes (dirty)-- J

Sweeping-- J

Mopping-- J

Garbage-- J

Feeding Dogs-- J

Waking up 3x a night with dogs-- J

Unload dishwasher-- C

Pick up dog piles-- C

{Both of these get done by J sometimes}

It looks a little top heavy... Any suggestions? And I have tried the"not do anything" approach and it doesn't work. C doesn't mind a messy house. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but I can't stand dishes piled in the sink, dirt/anything visible on the floor, and clutter in general. HELP!

Spring Cleaning List

Alright. I have never been one for lists, but lately they have given me the motivation to get things done. For example.. right now I have a list of work for school. on a post-it. on my lap-top. where I will see it. It is one of the best feelings in the world to just cross something out ( well, not the BEST ;) ). So in order to get this house clean, and I mean sparkling, here be the Spring Cleaning List:

Outside

• Rake out the gardens.
• Pick up sticks from front and back yards.
• Plant grass in the baldy spots of the bard yard.
• Wash down the driveway and the road in front of the house (old leaves, dirt, salt, etc.)
• Clean both cars (inside and out).
• Clean off the patio and bring our lounge chairs.

Kitchen

• Pull everything out of the cupboards and clean them out.
• Clean microwave.
• Clean stove and oven.
• Put away tea kettle and crockpot.
• Wash down walls and cupboards.
• Hand mop the floor.
• Clean out the fridge and freezer.
• Un-do all the twist ties that C put up, and take Christmas lights down.

Living/Dining Rooms

• Wash down walls.
• Organize bookshelf.
• Dust off TV and Entertainment center.
• Put away all winter/Christmas items (oops).
• Wash couch cover.
• Steam clean chair, curtains, dog beds, dining room chairs.
• Get rid of old black chair that only the dogs use.
• Convince Alofa to take FIL's dresser and suitcases to his room, and out of our area.
• Move armoire.
• Wash and put cuddle blankets in armoire.
• Sweep/mop floor, including under couch.
• Organize desk.
• Clear off dining room table.
• Take Total Gym into the basement.
• Rearrange dining room table.

Bathroom

• Mop the floor.
• Wash mirror.
• Wash curtains.

Bedroom/Basement

• Put away winter clothes, pull out spring/summer.
• Wash rugs.
• Find a dresser for C's excessive amount of clothes.
• Clean laundry room, including FIL's clothes that have been on the floor since December.
• Run an empty load through the washer.
• Re-organize boxes that are still packed.

Miscellaneous

• Wash all windows.
• Update pictures/decor.

I think that could keep me busy for awhile. I'll give myself until the weekend before Easter. C will be out of town next week for a few days so hopefully I can get a lot done.

Me Monday's

1. what inspires you? People who strive for what is right, humanly right, right for themselves in their goals. Go after what they want, take chances. Think before acting, but act. People who treat others as they would be treated themselves, humanly, courteously. People who act against oppression, terrorism, hunger, disease. John Lennon - Imagine

2. what was the last thing you bought yourself? I don't really buy stuff for myself. Being on a bidget restricts that. But today, I was at Target and found gardening gloves and seeds for a dollar each.. have to get ready for spring!

3. would you rather watch a movie in a theater or from the comfort of your own home? Home. Definitely. You can't cuddle in the theater!

4. household chore you don't mind doing? anything out side {raking, gardening..}, washing windows, or washing walls, as long as I have my magic eraser :)

5. coffee or tea? Coffee in the morning, iced tea (unsweetened) in the afternoons

6. what could you eat every day and not get sick of?? hmm.. mac & cheese, of any variety

7. what's the last book you read? The Keeping, free ebook download

8. do you think you look you "look" your age? I may "look" my age, but people usually think I am older because I am married, I'm only 21 and people think I'm 24ish

Devotionals

I just started doing some online devotionals from Marriage Missions. This is just a snip-it of what I read tonight:

{Mature love can accept that marriage is different from dating. Not worse, just different. Mature love can accept that priorities do change and that they need to change. A mature wife can accept that the way her husband shows his love now may be through working hard to provide for his family instead of taking you out every week for a long talk over dinner. A wife accepts that after a long week, maybe the activity her husband needs the most is just “zoning” in front of the TV.}

This is huge for me. I was so worried because our relationship has changed since we were only dating. After reading this, I realized we have grown, not necessarily changed. I can't wait to do more of these devotionals. I realized tonight how much I have been lacking in the religion aspect of my life and hopefully I will be able to make a change.

Making's for a great weekend.

I can already feel it. It's going to be a great weekend! Bright & Sunny. Clean house. Amazing hubby. Love it!!!

Schedule for today:

• Target with my man for house pretties?
• CT to see some family/Liah's(2 yr) Birthday
• Check in on the Motorhome & see if she made it through the brutal winter
• Start walking with my neighbor & Leo
• Movie night with hubsters

How perfect does that sound?? It's not quite spring here. Yet. Or not at all.. it's only 32 right now. BUT the sun is shining, snow is melted, and it looks like spring!

Only bad thing that happened so far is my computer is dead. Like ate the dust, dead. So I am on my old computer, which is ok because of all my old files & pictures! But all my school work is on my old one :/

{Our first picture together! In Cali over Christmas break 2008}

I am ready for school to be over so we can have relaxing days without having to deal with school work! Obviously work would get in the way (which is happening right now with C) but it's do-able. Tomorrow is a solid study day. Hate those. Then back to school on Monday. Hate those too.

But for today, we will be enjoying our "spring" day.

OH! To plant a garden or not???

What's Important to Me.

I absolutely adore this song. This is the kind of life I strive to have.

Birthday Weekend

This weekend was perfect to say the least. I loved being able to spend so much time with C without any interruption from dogs, FIL, or (excessive amounts) of work. He got me a gorgeous gold and diamond watch/ bracelet set from Elgin and a new Blackberry Storm!! I love all of them!

We left on Saturday afternoon to head down to Mohegan Sun and got there around 2. Before we could get some lunch, we had to play something at least once. Since we were both starving, we put $5 into the slots and went at it. Even though we didn't win anything at the slots, we got a lot of laughs. We started walking towards Michael Jordan's Steakhouse for lunch but decided on Jimmy Buffets's Magaritaville.

My first legal drink was called "5 o'clock Somewhere". Delishish!

Don't mind us, early morning at the beach!!!

Outside of MJ's Steakhouse.

I came out with double the money I went in with. I won huge at blackjack and roulette, but the best part of the weekend was being with hubby. We haven't had so much fun for a long time.

We wish we could go back already!

Getting to know.. Me.

1. if you won the title of miss america, what would your platform be?

probably world peace.. What else is there?

2. outdoorsy or indoorsy?

Outdoorsy in spring/summer Indoorsy when it's cold.

3. pajama's out in public..classy or tres tacky?

My pj's? hmm... But when I rock the sweats/Tee... not classy, but OK

4. what's your favorite room in your house?

Right now, living room overlooking the backyard.

5. nook, kindle, or book?

my nook- like Libra

6. would you rather wear the same outfit for a week or not brush your teeth for a week?

same outfit, if I could wash it and go nakey while its getting clean :)

7. what's your favorite blog at the moment?

From Mrs. to Mama. She is too funny!

8. lately i've been daydreaming about.........?

a lot. summer, no more school, our own house, babies, C signing these big players to make most of it happen?!

Weekend recap to come, but I am way too tired right now. Off to the couch to cuddle up with my hubby after our PERFECT weekend!

Woop Woop!!!

Birthdayyyy!!!!

I think C was having a little too much fun being my bartender tonight. I think he will love it even more tomorrow, or today, at the casino!!!

I'll do a post Sunday night all about our fabulous weekend!

Love & 21

I need some advice...

from someone that actually knows what they may be talking about, unlike C.

What do I wear to the casino, for my 21st birthday???? Help please!

Until I have something worthy to do a whole post on...

A. Age: 20 (21 in 3 daysss)

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Handwashing dishes

D. Dogs: hah! Roxy, Smoltz, Leo, Diva, and Xaia

E. Essential start to your day: Kiss the hubsters

F. Favorite color: Purple

G. Gold or silver: Gold/White Gold

H. Height: 5'7"

I. Instruments you play(ed): Trumpet

J. Job title: Student/ Housekeeper

K. Kids: Soon??

L. Live: Mass

M. Mom’s name: Sue

N. Nicknames: Jilly, Buford, or Cledus ( last 2 are from C??)

O. Overnight hospital stays: None. Thankfully.

P. Pet peeves: Sink used as a garbage, messy house right after I cleaned it, slow drivers, drama (get a lot of it going to an all girls school)

Q. Quote from a movie: "There's a lot I don't understand about life. You meet thousands of people, and then you meet one person, and your life is changed forever."

R. Righty or lefty: Right

S. Siblings: Older sister and 2 younger brothers

T. Time you wake up: today, 10 am (spring break). Normally, 7

U. Underwear: VS

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Cooked carrots

W.What makes you run late: the clock.

X. X-rays you’ve had: nose, collar bone, ankle

Y. Yummy food you make: Chicken Divan (last nighhttt)

Z. Zoo animal favorites: baby snow leopards

Saturday is the big day! I'll be sure to do a post when we get back on Sunday.

Fill in the Blank Friday

I love filling these things out! Since I still only have my 2 girlies (and need more because I just deactivated my Facebook), I figured I would link up with Lauren for her Fill in the Blank Friday!

1. My biggest accomplishment in life thus far is: my marriage. We have only been married for 8 months but we have both grown so much in that short amount of time.

2. My favorite place to sit in my house is: in the reading chair, looking out the window. Eventually, I would love and old wooden rocking chair like one my Grandpa used to have. And when I say eventually, I mean when we have kids, because there WILL be an old rockin' chair in their room.

3. My fashion philosophy is: comfy, but cute. I love getting all dolled up and wear dresses but that doesn't really fit my lifestyle. I can usually be found in jeans and a cute shirt, but not normally button up blouses.

4. Something every girl should have is : a best friend they can vent to. I have had a few throughout the years. Luckily, I can vent/ talk to Chris about everything, so I guess he would meet the requirements for BFF status

5. If you looked in my purse right now you'd find: my wallet, gum, anatomy flashcards, sunglasses, tons of pens, my planner, car charger for my phone, chapstick/lipgloss carrying case ( only makeup I take with me), my camera, and my Libre eBook Reader.

6. My favorite music right now is: Eminem. And some country. Weird. Very Weird. I know.

7. My favorite part of my body is: my shoulders and back. I don;t know why, but I think muscular backs are sexy! Too bad C hardly ever goes shirtless :/

Happy Friday & Spring Break!!!

It's been awhile.

I'm Sorry...

I have neglected my blog. Not entirely though. I have not posted in awhile but I have been keeping up on all of the blogs I read. It had been crazy hectic here for the past 2 weeks. The good news is spring break is just around the corner. C and I only have to get through this week and then we can relax, hopefully. Other fantabulous news... my birthday is coming up! The Big 2-1! We are going to Mohegan Sun Casino in CT and my ahhmazing MIL is paying for a room for us at a super nice hotel! Can't wait for our little getaway!

Back to the past and present. All 4 of us are back in the house and have been for almost a week. Still stressful but we finally made the switch, so hopefully it gets better. This past weekend we (C&I) moved our belongings to our new room, the basement. It's not bad, I actually like it. Definitely smaller than the Master Bedroom, but it's cozy.

Before

After and yes, all the dogs sleep next to us which makes for a cramped room

After our room was moved, C and I put down a floor covering to protect the hardwoods. I don't have any pictures of his room because, well I came to the conclusion that I would not talk/interact with him unless absolutely necessary, for my own sanity. Anywayy, last night I started putting our living room back together. No pictures yet, but soon. I'm working away as much as I can, but I have an Anatomy test on Thursday.

Still getting frustrated to these living situations. But I have to take the good and some of the bad. For example: The is what my kitchen sink looks like:

Why, you may ask. Well, I will show you:

And no, this isn't Chris' or my doing. Apparently, our sink is also a garbage can. This tends to irk me, especially since the garbage can is literally 4 feet away, I measured.

Now, I can't leave you with some nasty pictures like that, so how about this cutie pa-tootie?

Please don't mind those demon eyes, Mama isn't the best photographer.

Weekend Recap

Well I'm alive after this weekend! It actually wasn't too bad. We had a few.. differences? early on, but I set him straight and told him that it was only me.. & I couldn't deal with everything or be with him every second. Once we got that straightened out, it was smooth sailing. I think he gets worse when Chris is here because he likes the attention from his son.

With half of the household gone this weekend, I got sooo much cleaning done. I got the bathroom and bedroom done on Friday, before I went out for girl's night (more to come). Yesterday I did the downstairs. Chris is very messy and unorganized. I am NOT by any means saying that I'm not, but once a line is crossed, I go into freakish cleaning mode. The dining room is primarily Chris' workspace/drop everything spot. Took me a good hour and a half, but I finally found the table! I bought a filing box for all of his CVXL & law school stuff. After organizing it all, I rearranged the desk area, printed his NBA certifications, and framed/hung them up. It looks pretty nice. I know he wants to rent an actual office space, but there is no way that is happening right now.

It was beyond nice to wake up to a completely clean and organized house! I just made myself a toaster strudel (love themmm) and a big glass of milk. I decided to look somewhat decent to go pick Chris up, ie.. idk maybe shower??

More on C's trip to Houston to come.. but since he is back, the FIL can;t do anything, Jill to the rescue :/

Time Flies...

Well, it has been 6 months (almost) since I started this whole blogging adventure. Still only my 2 girls.. but where are all the other followers?

The past 6 months, I have been doing a lot more reading than writing and I have been feeling a little down. It seems as if 98% of the blogs I read depict a perfect woman with her perfect husband and kids, a spotless house, and all the time and money in the world. I know this probably is not the case, but I just don't have that. I would like to:

• always have dinner ready and delicious.
• have a clean house
• always say the right thing
• be able to go to the gym and have a rockin' bod
• always look "put together"

Instead, I am the wife that:

• has undercooked or burnt food, 60% of the time
• usually gives out PBJ or turkey sandwiches for meals
• lacks in the clean house department
• will only sometimes get dishes done
• leaves dirty clothes piled on the floor for days
• keeps clean clothes in the dryer
• over-reacts to most things, especially anything having to do with FIL
• cries over spilled milk, or more specifically, spilled tomato soup
• freaks out when I feel neglected
• lets something build and build until I burst... last weekend, for example.
• goes to the gym to tan and hang out in the hot tub
• is normally found in sweats or jeans/tee shirt combo
• sometimes misses showers
• doesn't always brush her hair

I know I am not perfect, or have the fairytale life that I read about. I don't even share a house with my own family (just C & I). I am continuously striving to be like the people I read about but for right now, it is not in the cards for me. And anyway, what's the fun in being perfect?

Ahh Man!

Well, Alofa, the caregiver, left this morning. Can I just say how down I am right now, and how it will be 10x worse Friday morning when I drop Chris at the airport? Or what about how awful and down in the dumps I will feel on Saturday.. when I was supposed to go to Boston with a new friend, Devin, for a Melaleuca conference? The only good thing about the upcoming weekend, can't even say that it is all that "goo", is that I will have the entire house cleaned.. no spotless.

Well Happy Valentine's Day.. belated anyway. I knew Chris would be busy writing a brief all day, so for lunch, I made us a huge salad and took it to him. We had a little picnic in our room and watched Family Guy ( how romantic?? I know.. but it's what we do). After lunch I went out and tried to break up all the ice in the driveway. I couldn't be inside on a 60 degree day! It was too gorgeous. Chris stopped me around 3:30 and said it was time to go. Mind you, I was looking pretty scuzzy and not at all acceptable for any Valentine's activities. I didn't need to be. He took to go get a pedicure and massage! Loved it! I definitely needed a little pampering. I got Chris a US Polo Assn watch for his upcoming trip to Houston and other various Sports Agenty events. Then we went out for sushi/chinese at our favorite new spot: Ichiban. We ended up getting a Boston Roll, Garlic Chicken, and Chicken and Shrimp. When we were already stuffed to the top, we got our dessert. Complimentary fried ice cream. AHHH mazing! Then back to the normal routine, and took C to class.

Did I mention how bummed I am to be missing Boston on Saturday? I haven't had a girls day in soooo long, like I'm talking summer here folks. Actually, I did just go out with Devin on Saturday... definitely have missed those. Right now, I'm thinking I need some sweets. Brownies or cookies??

And here we go again

Hopefully it is just the anticipation that's got the worse of me right now.... but probably not. Remember last post, where I was so excited to finally have my house (at least downstairs) back? And how it was supposed to happen this weekend or early in the week?

Well, at 1:30 am.. when Chris decided to come to bed, he told me that, lucky me, I get to stay with his dad all next weekend. Great. It's only going to be the FIL and me. Face to Face. From early Friday morning until late Sunday afternoon. His caregiver has to go back to Cali for a funeral, and will be gone for 2 weeks (vacation time). He leaves Tuesday. Then Chris is leaving to go to Houston Friday morning to recruit a couple players. This trip has been planned for almost 2 weeks and cannot be missed. So that leaves me. Not only am I worried about just being around him (ugh) but what if he falls? or has an accident in bed? I cannot lift him from the floor, I had a hard enough time pushing him up from his chair. And I sure as hell am not going to change sheets that have been peed on. We can talk later about how I'll do it when we have kids. But not for my FIL. Should I even have to??

Probably an even bigger negative: I was supposed to go to Boston on Saturday with my friend Devin for a Melaleuca conference. Now I have to cancel my plans when I have made it clear that I don't want to deal with him anymore. Does this make me sound, well, bitchy?

But, what can I do? A funeral and a work obligation are 2 pretty legitimate reasons to have to leave. God, give me the strength to make it through without going absolutely insane.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Corny title... I know. But there has been a lot of changes made around here, or talk of changes. First, though, some good news. The explorer will be here early next week! I will finally be able to have my car as much as I want... I can share... but damn, this much sharing is killing me!

Obviously, Saturday was a rough day for us. I had finally reached the point of no return with his dad (seems almost like I reached it weeks ago). Some things were said, but the key point was I couldn't live like we were anymore. I had enough of his dad taking over our lives. Too much focus was on him. I was doing far too much for him, considering he has a full-time caregiver for it. I need my space. After our talking this all out with Chris, I was upset. I did not think I got through the him at all, but I said what I needed to say, and what more could be done on my end. I started brainstorming different scenarios, but at this point it was late and I was exhausted. So to bed I went. Sunday morning, I went downstairs to make some breakfast and Chris was sitting down with his dad and telling him that there needed to be changes made. He did not mention anything about our fight, which I am glad, because really... not his business.

The New Living Arrangements:

Chris' talk with his dad was primarily about him moving out of our living room. Instead of being right in the middle of our lives every second of every day (and I am typing this... forcefully), he will be moving to our room, the Master bedroom. The positives for him: huge room, huge bathroom, no dogs, closer to his caregivers room, seating for Chris to come up and watch games, and still be able to come downstairs for dinners. The positives for me (&Chris): We basically get our life back. I know it sounds extreme, but really, we do. We get back our living room, dining, only our mess in the kitchen, space, space, space, quiet, quiet, cuddle time.. basically anything you can think of will improve, I hope. Our room will be moved to the basement (mucho privacy and quiet). I absolutely cannot wait for this change, which will hopefully be this wknd, if not, when we get the explorer. Is it bad that I already have the new layout for our living room.. with our new couch found here.

Clean House!!:

Another part of our conversation was the household duties. I felt as if I did everything, mainly, because I did. I did (for all 4 of us.. plus dogs) the cooking, dishes, sweeping, mopping, fed/watered dogs, picked up papers(strewn all over the place), and shoveled the 2 feet of snow... all by myself (I also have the most on my plate, school wise). I have been pleasantly surprised by how much Chris has been doing this week, and hope it continues!

All in all... this week has been a good week. I was extremely upset when I wrote my last post. I would delete it, but since I want to document our new life together, I need to include the good & bad. No matter how hurtful it would be too look back. I am truly hoping these changes will work out for the better. No marriage is perfect, and I am seeing just how true that statement can bee sometimes. Our marriage continues to grow every minute of every day. After being together for more than 2 years, and living together for more than a year and a half (don't judge) I am still learning new things that I never knew and seeing things I have never noticed before.

No pictures this time... hopefully next post, you can see our newly rearranged house!!

I don't know...

... what to do.

... where to go from here.

... how I have become so self absorbed.

... how to be more appreciative.

... if I should quit school and just work, just so he doesn't have to be with us.

... how I feel about him talking to our mutual friends about us and our problems.

... if I should even be so negative on here.

... if I have ever been called stupid in my life.

... where and how I became to act so entitled.

... why we can't go see a marriage counselor.

....... or why we would, only 7 months into our marriage.

... if it will work out between us.

... why I forget all the good things we do, and only dwell on the bad.

... why we will soon be only using paper plates, cups, utensils, etc.

... why I have no patience.

... why I can't see how everyone else is so miserable.

... why I have to be sent to my room like a child.

... why all of our problems are posted on Facebook for our friends to see, and comment on.

... why I would like our house to be clean.

... why I would want/need help once in awhile.

... how I could not care so much about someone.

... why for the next 30 days I will be walking on eggshells.

... why I have to live only in our room or at school.

... why I wouldn't be a good mom.

There are too many unknowns. I really couldn't imagine my life without him. But why is it so difficult being a "big person".

So much to do this weekend...

... but so far, it's not looking too promising.

To start, I woke up early and was almost out the door when Chris woke up and said no. I sooo wanted to go get Dunkin Donuts, go to Sal Val & Goodwill to hunt for treasures, and get a few errands done. Instead, I wrapped some birthday presents for our niece, Cecilia (it was super hard for me not to crack open the Easy bake Oven!!), gave Chris feedback on his brochures( still in the process of up/downs), and Chris' errands. I suggested (when I got my initial "no") that we go to breakfast at a diner or Panera (C is not a fan of DD). Guess what? At 12:30 and still no breakfast/brunch, I realized I was not going to be going to breakfast.. so Rice Krispies it is. Awesome. Not. So already behind... and a little grumpy.

So why not go get my stuff done now? Nope. Chris needs the car and wants to go to the gym. He told me this around noon. It is now almost 1pm. I could've gone and been back. Ugh.

I have a ton of school work to get done, so maybe I should go to the school and have some quiet. ERR.. wrong again. "Instead of going all the way over there, why not just go upstairs to the room" hmmm... well, even though FIL is not deaf, my TV is at level 95 volume wise.. which means I can hear it upstairs. Oh, and then there is the dogs wanting to come in and see Momma.

I wanted so Jill time this weekend, so maybe a pedicure? I sure as hell hope so.

Chris is well aware that I'm going to be a little bitchy, because he told me!

And he wonders where it comes from.

The Good, The Bad, the Ugly

I decided to link up with IMTLY for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly series.. I think this will be a good way for me to get some... um.. frustrations? out.

The Good: We live in a pretty nice house.

The Bad: It never looks pretty.

The Ugly: Probably because My FIL and his caregiver live with our (already) messiness.

The Good: I (for the most part) always have hot water to shower with.

The Bad: I share the shower with 3 men.

The Ugly: I am constantly pulling hair out of the drain. That is not mine.

The Good: I am more than half way done with my Master's degree.

The Bad: I am only half way there.

The Ugly: It is a very steep downhill from here.

The Good: I made resolutions for the New Year.

The Bad: I haven't been keeping up with most of them.

The Ugly: OK... any of them. What can I say? school started back up.

The Good: We had 2 snow days this week.

The Bad: I was stuck in the house.. not my favorite place since our (permanent) guests arrived.

The Ugly: I had to shovel, about 7 inches of snow and ice.

The Good: Sometimes my house is clean.

The Bad: Only stays that way for a whopping total of 5 minutes.

The Ugly: I seem to be the only one trying to clean it, even though I am the one with the most on my plate.

The Good: We got a brand new flat screen as a joint Christmas present.

The Bad: We normally only get to watch NBA and Matlock on it. (See next segment)

The Ugly: I was told to go to our room to watch my show, even though said FIL was sleeping (therefore not watching TV).

The Good: Not too sure there a "good" for this one.

The Bad: We have no living room, only a dining room.

The Ugly: Our old living room is now FIL's bedroom,, meaning no TV or relaxing together without a 3rd wheel.

The Good: We've been married almost 7 months!

The Bad: The "honeymoon" phase ended too soon.

The Ugly: Because we were invaded.

Hmmm.... Seems like a lot of my problems/complaints are based around my unwanted (permanent) guests?? I think so.

Stay Warm!!

Ew

Blog is looking very ugly today.. went to bed last night without fixing it.. be patient!!

Thrifting Fun!

This past weekend was a definite shipping high-point. We found so many great deals at different thrift shops around here! First, old sewing desk:

A new chair for the FIL:

A new (pretty) bill basket:

A new puppy.... I mean couch :)

All of this, plus Nike Shox, and a pair of golf shoes all for $15.95!! SCORE!