Sunday, February 20, 2011

Weekend Recap

Well I'm alive after this weekend! It actually wasn't too bad. We had a few.. differences? early on, but I set him straight and told him that it was only me.. & I couldn't deal with everything or be with him every second. Once we got that straightened out, it was smooth sailing. I think he gets worse when Chris is here because he likes the attention from his son.

With half of the household gone this weekend, I got sooo much cleaning done. I got the bathroom and bedroom done on Friday, before I went out for girl's night (more to come). Yesterday I did the downstairs. Chris is very messy and unorganized. I am NOT by any means saying that I'm not, but once a line is crossed, I go into freakish cleaning mode. The dining room is primarily Chris' workspace/drop everything spot. Took me a good hour and a half, but I finally found the table! I bought a filing box for all of his CVXL & law school stuff. After organizing it all, I rearranged the desk area, printed his NBA certifications, and framed/hung them up. It looks pretty nice. I know he wants to rent an actual office space, but there is no way that is happening right now.

It was beyond nice to wake up to a completely clean and organized house! I just made myself a toaster strudel (love themmm) and a big glass of milk. I decided to look somewhat decent to go pick Chris up, ie.. idk maybe shower??

More on C's trip to Houston to come.. but since he is back, the FIL can;t do anything, Jill to the rescue :/

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Time Flies...

Well, it has been 6 months (almost) since I started this whole blogging adventure. Still only my 2 girls.. but where are all the other followers?

The past 6 months, I have been doing a lot more reading than writing and I have been feeling a little down. It seems as if 98% of the blogs I read depict a perfect woman with her perfect husband and kids, a spotless house, and all the time and money in the world. I know this probably is not the case, but I just don't have that. I would like to:
  • always have dinner ready and delicious.
  • have a clean house
  • always say the right thing
  • be able to go to the gym and have a rockin' bod
  • always look "put together"
Instead, I am the wife that:
  • has undercooked or burnt food, 60% of the time
  • usually gives out PBJ or turkey sandwiches for meals
  • lacks in the clean house department
  • will only sometimes get dishes done
  • leaves dirty clothes piled on the floor for days
  • keeps clean clothes in the dryer
  • over-reacts to most things, especially anything having to do with FIL
  • cries over spilled milk, or more specifically, spilled tomato soup
  • freaks out when I feel neglected
  • lets something build and build until I burst... last weekend, for example.
  • goes to the gym to tan and hang out in the hot tub
  • is normally found in sweats or jeans/tee shirt combo
  • sometimes misses showers
  • doesn't always brush her hair
I know I am not perfect, or have the fairytale life that I read about. I don't even share a house with my own family (just C & I). I am continuously striving to be like the people I read about but for right now, it is not in the cards for me. And anyway, what's the fun in being perfect?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Ahh Man!

Well, Alofa, the caregiver, left this morning. Can I just say how down I am right now, and how it will be 10x worse Friday morning when I drop Chris at the airport? Or what about how awful and down in the dumps I will feel on Saturday.. when I was supposed to go to Boston with a new friend, Devin, for a Melaleuca conference? The only good thing about the upcoming weekend, can't even say that it is all that "goo", is that I will have the entire house cleaned.. no spotless.

Well Happy Valentine's Day.. belated anyway. I knew Chris would be busy writing a brief all day, so for lunch, I made us a huge salad and took it to him. We had a little picnic in our room and watched Family Guy ( how romantic?? I know.. but it's what we do). After lunch I went out and tried to break up all the ice in the driveway. I couldn't be inside on a 60 degree day! It was too gorgeous. Chris stopped me around 3:30 and said it was time to go. Mind you, I was looking pretty scuzzy and not at all acceptable for any Valentine's activities. I didn't need to be. He took to go get a pedicure and massage! Loved it! I definitely needed a little pampering. I got Chris a US Polo Assn watch for his upcoming trip to Houston and other various Sports Agenty events. Then we went out for sushi/chinese at our favorite new spot: Ichiban. We ended up getting a Boston Roll, Garlic Chicken, and Chicken and Shrimp. When we were already stuffed to the top, we got our dessert. Complimentary fried ice cream. AHHH mazing! Then back to the normal routine, and took C to class.

Did I mention how bummed I am to be missing Boston on Saturday? I haven't had a girls day in soooo long, like I'm talking summer here folks. Actually, I did just go out with Devin on Saturday... definitely have missed those. Right now, I'm thinking I need some sweets. Brownies or cookies??

Saturday, February 12, 2011

And here we go again

Hopefully it is just the anticipation that's got the worse of me right now.... but probably not. Remember last post, where I was so excited to finally have my house (at least downstairs) back? And how it was supposed to happen this weekend or early in the week?

Well, at 1:30 am.. when Chris decided to come to bed, he told me that, lucky me, I get to stay with his dad all next weekend. Great. It's only going to be the FIL and me. Face to Face. From early Friday morning until late Sunday afternoon. His caregiver has to go back to Cali for a funeral, and will be gone for 2 weeks (vacation time). He leaves Tuesday. Then Chris is leaving to go to Houston Friday morning to recruit a couple players. This trip has been planned for almost 2 weeks and cannot be missed. So that leaves me. Not only am I worried about just being around him (ugh) but what if he falls? or has an accident in bed? I cannot lift him from the floor, I had a hard enough time pushing him up from his chair. And I sure as hell am not going to change sheets that have been peed on. We can talk later about how I'll do it when we have kids. But not for my FIL. Should I even have to??

Probably an even bigger negative: I was supposed to go to Boston on Saturday with my friend Devin for a Melaleuca conference. Now I have to cancel my plans when I have made it clear that I don't want to deal with him anymore. Does this make me sound, well, bitchy?

But, what can I do? A funeral and a work obligation are 2 pretty legitimate reasons to have to leave. God, give me the strength to make it through without going absolutely insane.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Corny title... I know. But there has been a lot of changes made around here, or talk of changes. First, though, some good news. The explorer will be here early next week! I will finally be able to have my car as much as I want... I can share... but damn, this much sharing is killing me!

Obviously, Saturday was a rough day for us. I had finally reached the point of no return with his dad (seems almost like I reached it weeks ago). Some things were said, but the key point was I couldn't live like we were anymore. I had enough of his dad taking over our lives. Too much focus was on him. I was doing far too much for him, considering he has a full-time caregiver for it. I need my space. After our talking this all out with Chris, I was upset. I did not think I got through the him at all, but I said what I needed to say, and what more could be done on my end. I started brainstorming different scenarios, but at this point it was late and I was exhausted. So to bed I went. Sunday morning, I went downstairs to make some breakfast and Chris was sitting down with his dad and telling him that there needed to be changes made. He did not mention anything about our fight, which I am glad, because really... not his business.
The New Living Arrangements:
Chris' talk with his dad was primarily about him moving out of our living room. Instead of being right in the middle of our lives every second of every day (and I am typing this... forcefully), he will be moving to our room, the Master bedroom. The positives for him: huge room, huge bathroom, no dogs, closer to his caregivers room, seating for Chris to come up and watch games, and still be able to come downstairs for dinners. The positives for me (&Chris): We basically get our life back. I know it sounds extreme, but really, we do. We get back our living room, dining, only our mess in the kitchen, space, space, space, quiet, quiet, cuddle time.. basically anything you can think of will improve, I hope. Our room will be moved to the basement (mucho privacy and quiet). I absolutely cannot wait for this change, which will hopefully be this wknd, if not, when we get the explorer. Is it bad that I already have the new layout for our living room.. with our new couch found here.
Clean House!!:
Another part of our conversation was the household duties. I felt as if I did everything, mainly, because I did. I did (for all 4 of us.. plus dogs) the cooking, dishes, sweeping, mopping, fed/watered dogs, picked up papers(strewn all over the place), and shoveled the 2 feet of snow... all by myself (I also have the most on my plate, school wise). I have been pleasantly surprised by how much Chris has been doing this week, and hope it continues!

All in all... this week has been a good week. I was extremely upset when I wrote my last post. I would delete it, but since I want to document our new life together, I need to include the good & bad. No matter how hurtful it would be too look back. I am truly hoping these changes will work out for the better. No marriage is perfect, and I am seeing just how true that statement can bee sometimes. Our marriage continues to grow every minute of every day. After being together for more than 2 years, and living together for more than a year and a half (don't judge) I am still learning new things that I never knew and seeing things I have never noticed before.

No pictures this time... hopefully next post, you can see our newly rearranged house!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I don't know...

... what to do.
... where to go from here.
... how I have become so self absorbed.
... how to be more appreciative.
... if I should quit school and just work, just so he doesn't have to be with us.
... how I feel about him talking to our mutual friends about us and our problems.
... if I should even be so negative on here.
... if I have ever been called stupid in my life.
... where and how I became to act so entitled.
... why we can't go see a marriage counselor.
....... or why we would, only 7 months into our marriage.
... if it will work out between us.
... why I forget all the good things we do, and only dwell on the bad.
... why we will soon be only using paper plates, cups, utensils, etc.
... why I have no patience.
... why I can't see how everyone else is so miserable.
... why I have to be sent to my room like a child.
... why all of our problems are posted on Facebook for our friends to see, and comment on.
... why I would like our house to be clean.
... why I would want/need help once in awhile.
... how I could not care so much about someone.
... why for the next 30 days I will be walking on eggshells.
... why I have to live only in our room or at school.
... why I wouldn't be a good mom.

There are too many unknowns. I really couldn't imagine my life without him. But why is it so difficult being a "big person".

So much to do this weekend...

... but so far, it's not looking too promising.

To start, I woke up early and was almost out the door when Chris woke up and said no. I sooo wanted to go get Dunkin Donuts, go to Sal Val & Goodwill to hunt for treasures, and get a few errands done. Instead, I wrapped some birthday presents for our niece, Cecilia (it was super hard for me not to crack open the Easy bake Oven!!), gave Chris feedback on his brochures( still in the process of up/downs), and Chris' errands. I suggested (when I got my initial "no") that we go to breakfast at a diner or Panera (C is not a fan of DD). Guess what? At 12:30 and still no breakfast/brunch, I realized I was not going to be going to breakfast.. so Rice Krispies it is. Awesome. Not. So already behind... and a little grumpy.

So why not go get my stuff done now? Nope. Chris needs the car and wants to go to the gym. He told me this around noon. It is now almost 1pm. I could've gone and been back. Ugh.

I have a ton of school work to get done, so maybe I should go to the school and have some quiet. ERR.. wrong again. "Instead of going all the way over there, why not just go upstairs to the room" hmmm... well, even though FIL is not deaf, my TV is at level 95 volume wise.. which means I can hear it upstairs. Oh, and then there is the dogs wanting to come in and see Momma.

I wanted so Jill time this weekend, so maybe a pedicure? I sure as hell hope so.

Chris is well aware that I'm going to be a little bitchy, because he told me!

And he wonders where it comes from.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Good, The Bad, the Ugly

I decided to link up with IMTLY for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly series.. I think this will be a good way for me to get some... um.. frustrations? out.

The Good: We live in a pretty nice house.
The Bad: It never looks pretty.
The Ugly: Probably because My FIL and his caregiver live with our (already) messiness.

The Good: I (for the most part) always have hot water to shower with.
The Bad: I share the shower with 3 men.
The Ugly: I am constantly pulling hair out of the drain. That is not mine.

The Good: I am more than half way done with my Master's degree.
The Bad: I am only half way there.
The Ugly: It is a very steep downhill from here.

The Good: I made resolutions for the New Year.
The Bad: I haven't been keeping up with most of them.
The Ugly: OK... any of them. What can I say? school started back up.

The Good: We had 2 snow days this week.
The Bad: I was stuck in the house.. not my favorite place since our (permanent) guests arrived.
The Ugly: I had to shovel, about 7 inches of snow and ice.

The Good: Sometimes my house is clean.
The Bad: Only stays that way for a whopping total of 5 minutes.
The Ugly: I seem to be the only one trying to clean it, even though I am the one with the most on my plate.

The Good: We got a brand new flat screen as a joint Christmas present.
The Bad: We normally only get to watch NBA and Matlock on it. (See next segment)
The Ugly: I was told to go to our room to watch my show, even though said FIL was sleeping (therefore not watching TV).

The Good: Not too sure there a "good" for this one.
The Bad: We have no living room, only a dining room.
The Ugly: Our old living room is now FIL's bedroom,, meaning no TV or relaxing together without a 3rd wheel.

The Good: We've been married almost 7 months!
The Bad: The "honeymoon" phase ended too soon.
The Ugly: Because we were invaded.

Hmmm.... Seems like a lot of my problems/complaints are based around my unwanted (permanent) guests?? I think so.

Stay Warm!!


Blog is looking very ugly today.. went to bed last night without fixing it.. be patient!!